Fighting Fear
by anxiousgeek
Summary: Jane hates it when they fight. Jane/Maura


Jane hated it when they argued.

It didn't happen often, they bickered all the time, but it was all in good nature, there were never any strong words spoken between the two.

On occasion though, when they really fought, Jane would swear at Maura, and she could always tell that the blonde doctor wanted to swear too, and the detective wasn't sure she knew any curse words, because she never resorted to them,

Not that it really mattered.

Not if they weren't talking at all.

The last time they'd argued. It had lasted a day or so, and they'd made up easily, but it had been a week since Jane had even seen Maura. It turned out they were both very good at avoiding each other, and that the rest of homicide were very good at avoiding Jane when she was in a bad mood. Though she knew that already, it wasn't like it was the first time she had been pissed off at something, taking out on the world around her.

She really wanted to hurt someone but she couldn't be sure why. Either because she had argued with Maura over the case, or because she hadn't seen Maura for a week. It wasn't clear to Jane, which worried her a little, because she was pretty sure it was because she missed Maura.

She was pretty sure it hurt too.

Which wasn't what Jane was used to. People came and went from her life, men, partners, criminals; the only real constants were her family. And even they weren't all that reliable.

Maura Isles was different though, had been part of her life since the worst of it had occurred and Jane felt like she had a guardian in the blonde doctor. Which was a little strange for a police officer, she knew, but that's how she felt about Maura, and without her she was vulnerable.

She knew things were bad when she was jogging alone. Or at least planning to, but she didn't get beyond the stretches, leaning on a temporary metal fence put up by a pond, head down, thinking about the argument. Maybe she had pushed the suspect too far, too hard,crossed that thin line, but the victims were just children, and Jane would be dreaming of their faces for years.

The hand on her back was familiar, welcome and warm, and she almost caved there and then, but held her ground, letting Maura caress her back for a moment longer before she turned around.

The doctor wasn't dressed for jogging and Jane knew she'd coming looking for her.

"Hey," she said, when Maura didn't speak right away.

"I've been looking for you all day."

"You've found me," she snapped back, regretting it, and Maura stepped back.

"I don't want to fight any more."

"Neither do I," she said, feeling a little defeated by her own feelings.

They didn't say any more, and Jane didn't know what to say. She was still angry at her friend, and at herself.

At her own sudden desperation for Maura.

"Let's go get a coffee," she said.

"Don't you want to change first?" Maura asked, and Jane felt the first smile in days grace her face.

"We'll go to my place," she said.

At Jane's apartment Maura leaned on the counter separating the kitchen from the lounge, and watched as Jane made coffee, pulling the good stuff from the back of the cupboard. Jane felt like she needed it, needed something stronger but it was eight in the morning and she had a lot of work to do. She knew they would make up, always had even if it was hard to get Maura go understand her point of view, and Jane had to admit to herself that she could be stubborn too. Occasionally.

"I don't want to apologise," Maura said.

"O-kay."

"I don't think I should have to."

"No one said you did," Jane said, sensing another potential argument. "I'm not apologising either."

"So neither of us are saying sorry," the doctor said, clarifying the point.

"No."

They stared at each other for a moment, before Jane smiled, and Maura burst into a fit giggles. The sound was delightful, and contagious, and Jane started to laugh too. The two of them leaned on the kitchen counter, laughing, until they were crying and could no longer breathe, and Maura reached out to take Jane's hand.

"I'm sorry I avoided you for so long," she said.

"Same here, Jane replied, lacing her fingers with the blondes. "I've missed you."

"Really?"

Jane nodded, letting go of her hand, feeling warmer, stronger. They hadn't really talked about the cause of the rift between them, they would eventually, but for now Jane was happy to be friends again and to make the coffee.

"Yeah, it's not the same around the station without seeing you," Jane said, thinking that was the lamest thing she'd ever said. "I just mean, I missed you."

"I missed you too Jane," Maura said.

Jane nodded again and poured them both mugs of coffee.

She had an opportunity here, she knew, they were alone, comfortable and her walls were way, way down. Plus Maura was looking as adorable as ever, and would listen to anything Jane had to tell her. If she could tell her.

She couldn't.

She rested her head on her arms, leaning on the counter, and groaned in frustration.

"Jane what is it?" Maura asked, putting her coffee down and quickly moving around to the other side of the counter. She put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and hugging her.

"It's nothing," Jane said, lifting her head up.

"Don't lie to me Jane," she urged.

"I hate it when we fight."

"So do I."

"No, Maura, I really hate it," she said. "I don't like- I can't explain it to you."

"Try," Maura said, hugging her close.

"It hurts," she said. "I need you, and that scares me."

"I need you too Jane, more than you realise."

Maura looked at her thoughtfully, then leaned in to kiss Jane on the lips. They were connected for just a few moments, before the blonde doctor pulled away, still keeping Jane close.

"Do you need that?" she asked.

"I do now," Jane said, leaning in for another kiss, but Maura leaned back, away from her.

"What do you mean then?" she asked. "By needing me?"

Jane took a breath, thinking maybe she could kiss her friend to distraction and not have to reveal so much of herself.

"I need you Maura, your strength and care, I need you looking out for me."

"That scares you?"

"I've never needed that from anyone before. Not even my mom. Never even wanted it."

"Until now."

"Until now,"Jane repeated, with a smile.

"You don't have to be scared Jane," Maura said, kissing her again. "I don't want you to be scared."

"I am though," she said, "because I've never felt like this about another person before. And I've never been attracted to another woman before."

And she hadn't even realised she was attracted to Maura until the blonde had kissed her so softly. She was though, it resonated up her spine, the realisation causing a little panic, more fear,. And the desire to take Maura to bed that moment.

"We can figure this out," Maura said, "I can learn almost anything."

"Except people," Jane pointed out with a smile.

"I figured you out," she said proudly.

"You said I was complex."

"You are, but I still know what you're thinking," she said, smiling brightly.

"Oh really?" Jane said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, for example, I know you want to kiss me again. And take the morning off."

"Wrong!" Jane said.

"Really?"

Maura pouted and Jane leaned forward to kiss her lips.

"I want to take the whole day off."


End file.
